“As I return back to life, I know I’m going to put ME at the top of my list. I need to start my days in silence, some type of physical movement; food at least three times a day, and water. Yes, the basics. I was skipping these important daily necessities to pack in my days as a mother, wife, healer, boss lady, accountant, crusader, party planner, and so on. It’s too much. Can’t we just enjoy the fruits of our labors? We’re choosing to run our engines until the wheels fall off, never once stopping to ask “Why am I doing all of this?” Self-care is at an all-time high priority—it’s a prerequisite to our happiness.”
Last year, I decided to gift myself forty days off before my fortieth birthday. I’d spent a decade creating and unfolding a spiritual healthcare vision while raising a young family, and I was exhausted. I made a conscious decision to not schedule, plan, or do anything. I just wanted to enjoy my life. What followed was a transformative forty days that redirected my walk and deepened my purpose, even more, to myself.
This year, as forty-one was creeping on my heels, I contemplated, “What can I do for myself in forty-one days? I didn’t feel the need to take a break from work because I wasn’t exhausted anymore. It had helped to practice self-care over the last year by consciously drawing boundaries in places that drained me. I’d even begun using my voice a little more in situations that needed it, something that had been non-existent for most of my life. I could see how the changes I made filled my energy tank and the feelings of happiness started to enter the cracks of my being. For a few moments I’d begin to harness and taste the joy I was fostering, but then my mind would tell me that I wasn’t supposed to feel that way. My inner voiceas telling me I wasn’t worthy of pleasure and I finally knew that was wrong! I craved the staying power of a higher vibrating emotion. I wanted to genuinely feel happy! So, this year I chose to start a Kundalini Yoga practice.
Kundalini is different than other forms of yoga I had practiced. It concentrates on awakening the energy at the base of the spine and drawing it upward. Throughout the last forty-one days I noticed I had trouble breathing at a faster rate when necessary. It seemed impossible to pump my breath through the blockages that lay in my heart, throat, and gut. However, by the end of each class my vessel cleared. As the days passed I noticed my awareness heightening. I heard the call loud and clear, “You are a powerful Healer.” That message has forever frightened me, like happiness, something I choose to shy away from. Choosing Kundalini now made sense as it aims to cultivate the creative spiritual potential of a human. It helps guide one to uphold values, speak truth, and focus on the compassion and consciousness needed to serve and heal others. By divine order, I was right where I needed to be. At forty-one I am accepting the call as a Healer, but I knew I needed to heal one more thing inside myself first, The Fixer.
“Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats
to save; they just stand there shining.” -Anne Lamott
The archetype of The Fixer has been with me for a long time. People would gravitate towards me, and I instinctually knew what they needed. Whether it was something simple like making them smile or doing what was necessary to lift their spirits. The habitual fixer role seemed effortless to me. It was easier if I just did it instead of you. I wanted to see you smile because I felt uncomfortable when I sensed sadness. If I didn’t help you I felt guilty that I was somehow letting you die.
After forty-one days of meditating I see how my “fixer mode” pushes or forces my agenda and my beliefs onto someone. I inherently believe that they aren’t capable of helping themselves, that they are somehow “broken” and it’s my job to “fix” them. I see where I’ve lost my trust in their divine process and where I’m trying to manage or control the outcomes that I would like. When I’m The Fixer I lose my center and my alignment, and now I understand how people can become overwhelmed with my energy and my intentions (even though they’re good). The underlying energetic message I’m sending is meddling, desperate, and manipulative, rather than trusting, empowering, and allowing. This takes me out of my power, it drains my energy, it’s co-dependent and most certainly against everything I stand for.
- Guides you along your path.
- Is compassionate and empathetic.
- Intuitively realizes when it’s time to step back and let you heal.
- Knows when to intervene and help.
- Is able to use their voice.
- Opens and holds open the space for you to heal.
I look forward to this next year. I feel my personal container of light and energy within me. When it’s full I feel the joy it gives me. I’m less likely to give it away as I’m more protective of it now. I’m not trying to save anyone anymore so I’ve visually cut the cords to that disempowered frequency. Empowered Health is about choosing to accept the healing in your life and where I, as a Healer, will choose to give my energy. It’s where the magic happens.