As I blew out my forty candles this year surrounded by my friends and family I became conscious of how fortunate I am to have crossed such a significant marker of this life. We are not guaranteed vigor; we are just here to live it the best we can. How we do this with minimal guidance nowadays is beyond me, but I’m determined to teach and unfold how we can find health in our souls.
Taking this time off to live allowed me to step back and evaluate my lifespan. In doing that I realize I’ve only been in one speed since I was a child; the “keep going, let nothing stop you” gear. If the Universe threw something at me, I dealt with it, threw it back and continued to plug away on my path. I plotted, created and devised a whole new way to heal. I researched in my own personal life’s story laboratory as well as my clients’. It’s been forty years of observing patterns, archetypal play-outs and listening to my inner voice trying to tell me I have something big here. I wrote, I investigated, analyzed my data and came up with a solution. It goes something like this…
We have incarnated through a multitude of traumas from wars to the great depression and in that we’ve collected some dirt and dust on our souls. Countless generational shadows and wounds that are no longer serving us have contaminated our spirits. We are weighed down from the energy of our ancestors because we haven’t been proactive in cleansing our souls. Religion is questionable and spirituality is ambiguous, leaving us lost and searching for depth in things and with off-the-mark values.
Through this time of reflection I see the big picture clearly. Spending time with my young children makes them feel secure and safe, and that will ultimately build their confidence as they mature. My husband enjoys seeing me less stressed and more present in my everyday, and this creates a more profound connection between us. I’ve cultivated my inner power by attending some amazing retreats in New York City and New Mexico. Gabrielle Bernstein and Fr. Richard Rohr drive a hard message to be yourself, do your part, and share your gift with the world.
I am confident I have done my part in jolting a healthcare revolution. The rest is up to God. This thought pattern allows me to down shift into a slower speed. I can consciously forgive those I need to and feel free to enjoy and love this life I’ve worked so hard to build. I’m not that average-minded little girl who thought she was hungry for her big dreams. I made it out of my small town to a big city with a tangible vision, not just a distant image in my mind. I’m waiting patiently through prayer and contemplation that someone out there is ready to fulfill their part in all of this. That our paths will cross and know deep down we were always destined to collaborate. This helps me relax, making the process fun and exciting.
So, now I get to thank my acupuncturist, a healthcare practitioner that actually knows me and my energy. Back in early May she looked me in the eye and said, “Gina, you are exhausted.” I didn’t know how I was going to do it, but I knew I needed to stop the train I was on. Wearing anxiety and stress is no badge of honor. It was unhealthy energy steering the course of my life most likely toward a stroke, if I had to take a wild guess. I want to be proactive instead of reactive. That’s healthy.
As I return back to life, I know I’m going to put me at the top of my list. I need to start my days in silence, some type of physical movement, food at least three times a day, and water. Yes, the basics. But I was skipping these important daily necessities to pack in my days as a mother, wife, healer, boss lady, accountant, crusader, party planner and so on. It’s too much. Why do we never stop and ask ourselves, “Why am I doing all of this?” or just purely enjoy the fruits of our labors? Instead, we are choosing to run our engines until the wheels fall off. Self-care is at an all-time high priority. It’s a prerequisite to our happiness.
I’m a firm believer now that we are meant to delight in life. We have a purpose and a calling and it’s crucial to pull back and sit in silence. Spinning and pushing through is deadly. Finding your center and having direction is empowering. Allow yourself to stop the madness so you can fill your tank. Giving the oxygen mask to someone else while you take a couple hits every now and then isn’t helping you; it’s killing you and your spirit. Take a break on life and have faith that everything will work itself out. The bills will get paid, the kids will be fed, and trust that the Universe is rooting for you. Just then, you may see the magic we call life.
God grant me the grace to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the ones I can, and to realize that it’s all me.