Forgiveness is easy, indulging our pain is not. Many of the clients who enter my office are exhausted—ready and willing to heal. They’ve come to terms that they need to forgive in order to move on, but healing and moving on are not synonymous. As a healer, I must shoulder their burdens so that they can build the strength to tackle their pain.
What I’ve found is that people have difficulties connecting to their darkest, most innermost memories. They want to be in a place of forgiveness and ignore the culprit of the crime. Those who suffer the most justify the events that led up to their abuser’s actions. I’ve seen victims act as if their suffering was some necessary evil, some byproduct that was inevitable.
“He raped me because he had been raped as a child,” or “She cheated because that’s all she knew.”
Finding forgiveness is crucial in the journey towards healing but so is acknowledging the pain and hurt. Refusing to acknowledge that the pain inflicted was a deliberate act doesn’t allow the body to process or experience the hurt. People are fearful of exploring their hurt, thus propelling them to use a speed pass to wellness. Fear becomes the driver, instantly, and fear leads to deep-rooted pain that spreads like an infection.
This shit. This pain. It’s heavy. It’s heavy for the victim and the healer.
It’s responsible for emotional exhaustion, underlying addiction, and poor self-esteem. It’s responsible for the perpetuation of vengeful acts against one another. It becomes easier to fall into anger, fear, and resignation.
Once you get roped into this mind frame, it’s even more difficult to escape. Most don’t have the money, time, or energy to sift through all the crap that’s brought them to their current state.
But those who do face their demons are eventually able to look fear, anger, and pain directly in the face. The countless deep healing sessions I’ve held bring people to the brink of their breaking point. A lot of times during our weeks of healing we must stop in order to give the emotional soul and human mind a moment to process.
I find comfort in this because I know that they will be back when the time is right.
This arduous journey is worth it, and I’m reminded of this as I bump into him or her years from now. Pushing a stroller or smiling for no reason. Seeing the joy on their face is worth it for me, and I know it was worth it for them too.
I believe in people. We can learn to heal together.