After writing open letters to his mother and father, Ryan still felt a blockage to intimacy. Yes, letters like these can bring some insight into one’s experiences, but it doesn’t always heal the situation. During one of our sessions he described to me the urge to drink as “a heaviness in my chest accompanied with anxiety and a feeling of unease.” It then occurred to me that the letter to Linda, his mother, was filled with far more weight and gravity than that of his father’s letter. At that moment, his “mother wound” was revealed to me, and I knew it was time to flush it out.
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”― Anaïs Nin
In order to cleanse this wound, I first prepared our healing space. We went into my treatment room where I had him lay down in a comfortable position. I began to prep the room with my favorite sage candle, lighting the wick and inhaling the spicy scent. I filled my salt water bowl, that’s used to transfer the negative energy extracted from the human body, and opened my mind ready to guide Ryan on a journey of healing. I started off by taking an emotional temperature of his body. I noticed a calmness surrounding him that wasn’t there the previous month— I felt less trembling and anxiety coming from his body. This was the perfect state to go a little deeper.
Ryan’s eyes closed as do mine, while my hand rested beneath his lower back, where many say is the location of the soul. For a minute I stepped into my Physical Therapist archetype- the place that taught me the structure of the human frame and how it needs to be aligned with balanced tissue and bones. I could feel the stiffness of Ryan’s muscles, coursing with tension and angst along the paraspinal fibers. However, shifting into my Energy Therapist archetype-the place that just allows me to feel another person’s soul and trust the guidance. From here, I felt a heaviness emanating from his soul. And, in an instant, I had a flash in my mind.
“I see your parents in their bedroom and your mother is pregnant with you. They are arguing and physically upset. She’s sad and slides down the wall into a ball as she begins to sob.” Ryan interjects softly, “I know when that was.” This is coming from the guy who had just told me he didn’t remember any details about his childhood, only faded colors accompanied with sadness and loneliness. “It’s when my dad told my mom he was leaving her,” Ryan said.
In that moment I could intuitively feel Ryan’s spirit drift away while he’s in his mother’s womb, thirty-four years ago, essentially being born into pain. His depression made sense.
Our earliest connection to our mother and this world is in the first root power center of the body. There are seven power centers where the body and soul are intrinsically aligned. What many don’t realize is that the first chakra in one’s self actually stems from the physical location where we are born. Energetically, it’s the house of safety, bloodlines, and having a right to be here. It’s a place of belonging, and if we don’t connect with that at birth we may search our entire life looking for acceptance. Initially we’re sweet, precious babies nestled inside our mothers, and instinctually we’re excited to be welcomed into the world with open arms waiting on the other side. Ryan, like many others, didn’t have that feeling waiting for him. He entered a world of sadness, heartbreak, and loss.
I wanted to help him rewrite that story and be reborn into a life of love. So, I started speaking, giving him an opportunity for rebirth:
“Imagine you’re in your mother’s belly. There’s an illumination inside her womb. You can see yourself in the reflection where your skin is fresh and pink because your bright, red blood is flowing through your body keeping time with your strong heartbeat. You can feel your mother’s joy waiting for her baby boy, dad is smiling excited for his son, while older sis can’t wait to play with her little brother. Your family is waiting for you. Your heart beats faster with delight as you descend head first into this life. The loving mother bond is wound up in the chord as you’re placed chest to chest on your mom. She tears up with solace enveloping her as she wraps her warm hands on your skin and, in the most loving tone, she says, “I’m sorry for the pain, Ryan. I love you.” My voice stops and Ryan’s tears begin to fall. With the candle flickering and lights low, I allow him to bathe in that energy as I leave the room so he and his mother could be with one another to heal. It was one of the most magical moments in my career.
There was no denying he and his mother cleared some unfinished business that day. It was like a hand reached down into his heart and cut the cord of the addiction and all the pain that accompanied it. When he left, I sensed lightness and witnessed a smile bigger than I had seen before. I suggested he burn palo santo to clear the energy that remained within his home since we just cleared the energy within his body. At night he would rub lavender oil across his heart in order to continue to calm his center.
Ryan and Linda gave me a gift that day, something I didn’t even know was possible. It was the gift of connecting with a loved one through spirit to heal the invisible and generational wounds.