Happy Day of Birth, Son

Eleven years young.

You have forever changed my life.

You are the best male relationship I’ve ever had. And I don’t want to screw it up. I want to be there for you. I want to love you with all my heart. I want to support your needs and desires. I want to protect your heart. I worry about you. I pray you are happy inside. I want you to feel. I want to push you out of your comfort zone. I want to be there when you fall. I’m here for you when you lose. I will cheer you on when you win. I’ll help you find who you are. If the rest of the world doesn’t understand you, I will. I am your mother.

I gave you life and you gave me mine back. I would’ve never wanted anything for myself if I hadn’t felt the love for you. I needed to heal the masculine energy within me and you were the catalyst. Loving you made me start to love myself. Before I held you I never knew what love was. I was scared I’d hurt you. I was afraid to give you my shadows. I only wanted to give you love. Your existence inspired me to change my life. I decided to go on a scavenger hunt within my body to excavate the wounds I could not see, only feel. You saved me.

Healer after healer I braved the entrapped emotion. I was on an unknown timeline to heal myself before you became a young man full of emotion. You made me realize the first ten years of your life are the foundation for the remaining years of your life. You are my responsibility. I am your mother.

When you were 4, you asked me questions such as, “Mom, how did the whole world get here? Do you take a plane to heaven?” Your soulful wisdom shines through brighter each and every year. I am your student just as I am your teacher. Our souls had a contract to find a mutual respect and a deep love for one another. My love grows for you each year as I learn more about myself and find the courage to lean into intimacy. Each time I am vulnerable, you show up. I’m thankful for your gentle spirit. I am blessed to be your mother.

As you kick off into the next phase of life of self-identity, emotional intelligence and finding your path I will be here to guide you. I will allow you to fail. I will try my hardest to step back and allow you to find your words because that’s empowering. Like you asked, I won’t worry about you so much. I hear you when you tell me your truths and I will control myself and not try to take over. Your love has a strong heartbeat. It’s as if I can still feel you living inside my body. I feel your every move.

I thank God for the miracle you are and the wonderful spirit you bring to our family. I will hold you close, but not smother. I will be firm, but not overpower. I promise to love and honor your truth and guide your effervescent spirit.

Number 11 is the most intuitive of all numbers. Here’s the year where you begin to tune in to your soul and find you. I’m excited to see who you become.

Happy day of birth.

Here’s to you…

Forever and Ever,

Mama

 

 

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